Anti-Nostalgic
by Fragmental Dani
Summary: Hiro finds himself alone with the Friday night blues when Shuichi has a date with Yuki. If you don't like shounen ai, don't read this. If you don't like shounen ai, what are you looking at Gravitation fics for anyway? ^_^ Enjoy.


Anti-Nostalgic

By: Dani

Dedicated to Yui-chan, one of the best online friends a girl could ask for. I love you, chic!

Friday night blues had set in completely. Hiro wasn't sure he had ever felt this absolutely completely lonely before. Usually his Friday nights were spent bowling, or doing Karaoke, or just plain hanging out around town… with Shuichi. He knew he should be happy that Shuichi was actually out on a date, but dammit, he was still alone. 

_"I'm acting like a father too afraid to let go of his grown up little girl,"_ he realized.  He pulled his motorcycle into a parking place near the ice cream shop in a local shopping center. Ice cream always helped. He tried brushing his fingers through his hair as he walked inside, trying to get rid of that wind-blown look. 

The shop itself was reminiscent of a 50's style Americanized soda shop, complete with checkerboard floor and stools with blue glittery cushions. Female workers wore poodle skirts and ponytails while the males kept their hair greased back. Even though it looked completely silly on the Japanese workers there, the thought was appreciated. Hiro and Shuichi had lots of memories built in that place. 

Couples sat all around the shop, sharing their banana splits and two-strawed coke-floats. Hiro tried to ignore them as he walked up to the counter. 

"Hi, Hiroshi-san!" he heard a familiar voice say. 

Hiro smiled to see the girl that always seemed to be working when he and Shuichi came in. She was one of their classmates that he had often thought was pretty, but never had the courage to ask out. Just being able to talk to her was enough for him and it spared him the pain of being told he wasn't her type.  "Hey there, Susan. Working hard tonight?" 

Susan shrugged. "Nah, it's kinda dead, actually. This is the first time we've actually gotten busy all night."

Hiro nodded. "Ah. Well, Shuichi kinda ditched me tonight. I felt like ice cream so I…"

"Oh he was here earlier! With some blonde guy," Susan said, smiling.

Hiro blinked and his smile faded. "Ah. I see. Well, the blonde guy is who he ditched me for."

"You sound a tad jealous," Susan smirked. 

"Jealous?" Hiro was taken off guard. "Jealous of who?"

"That blonde guy, silly. Shindou-kun is out with another friend and not you. You sound like you miss him," Susan said. 

Hiro shrugged. "Nah. I can use the time alone."

Susan nodded. "So what do you want tonight? The usual fudge-dipped vanilla sugar cone?" 

He looked at an empty table, realizing that Yuki and Shuichi may have been sitting there earlier, sharing a banana split and a two-strawed coke float. His stomach churned and he suddenly didn't feel like ice cream. "Nah. Better make it strawberry shake. Biggest one you got."

"You want it in a glass or a to-go cup?" 

"To-go. I think I'll go home and just watch some TV." 

Soon he found himself back on his bike, milkshake carefully placed in his saddlebag until he got home. 

_"You sound a tad jealous."_

"What the hell was she thinking? Why would I be jealous? So what if he's got a lover and I don't. I'm happy for him. Shuichi is a great guy, he deserves to be with someone who makes him happy in ways I can't as his friend," he muttered into the wind. 

Once home, he waved at his mom who was watching TV in the living room and headed to his room. He shrugged out of his jacket and boots. Taking a long sip of his milkshake, he sat on the edge of his bed and pulled his guitar into his lap. He ignored his pick, wanting to feel the strings against his fingers. He had once actually played like that until he noticed he had rubbed the skin off his fingers. Wearing band-aids on each finger for a week made it hard to play the guitar even with a pick. Yet sometimes… he just had to feel the strings on his fingers. It was more natural to him. 

Gentle strumming turned into a slow acoustic version of a Nittle Grasper song that he could hear and see Shuichi singing in his mind. In his mind, Shuichi stood on his bed, wearing only a muscle shirt, boxers, socks, and one of Hiro's mother's headbands as he acted out the role of Ryuichi Sakuma once more.  Hiro had to laugh in spite of himself. It wasn't just Hiro's overactive imagination. It had happened a few months ago, on a Friday night. 

Hiro's fingers stopped on the guitar as he realized that maybe he was jealous of Yuki. Yuki was getting to spend this Friday night with Shuichi and Hiro wasn't. Hiro would be bored all night while Yuki got to keep Shuichi company. Hiro would have to sleep alone this Friday night as Yuki would probably offer Shuichi a spot in his bed. 

Hiro winced, realizing his mind was not thinking right. When Shuichi shared his bed with him, it was just because they were too lazy to clean the mess off of Hiro's couch and nothing had ever happened. If Shuichi spent the night in Yuki's bed… 

_"Great. Now I'm jealous that he's getting laid and I'm not."_

But if Shuichi and Yuki were lovers, then that meant that Shuichi was, in fact, gay. Or at least bisexual. Hiro liked the term bisexual better, because he knew Shuichi did like girls too. They had watched a little too much hentai for Shuichi too be able to call himself gay. He had told Shuichi that it didn't matter who he loved as long as he loved truly, be it a man or a woman. But did he himself really believe that? 

And what did it say about himself? Why was it he missed Shuichi so damn much? What did it say about the fact that Hiro would miss Shuichi staying in the bed with him? Hiro put his guitar down and fell back onto his bed, grunting. He stared up at his ceiling, his arms wide open. 

"Maybe he's bi, and that's okay. But I'm not. I just am not. He's my best friend, that's why I love him and like him around. I like to see him happy. I'd fight both life and death to save him. So why can't I handle this feeling now that I know he's really bi?" 

Hiro needed his mind off of the subject. It was senseless to ponder such things. He looked around his room for something to do. If he played his guitar, he'd only be forced to think of Bad Luck. In fact, listening to any music would only bring images of Shuichi into his head. He wasn't in the mood for reading. Then again… 

He sat up on his bed reached beneath it for a folder marked, "Study notes!!" Looking inside, his stash of American porno magazines looked back at him. He sighed and then put the folder back where it came from. He didn't feel like doing that either, especially while he was still thinking so hard on the subject of Shuichi.

Tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, he flipped on his TV and pulled out one of his older game systems. He sat on the floor crossed-legged, playing Tetris. The game and his milkshake kept him entertained for the next few hours. 

The next time he looked at the clock, it was past two a.m. His mind had thought of Shuichi the entire time. It was a shame he was sleepy at such an early hour for a Friday night, but he didn't have anything better to do. The sooner he went to sleep, the sooner morning would come and the night would end. Then he could have lunch with Shuichi and be normal again. 

But first… he had to get something out of his system. He kicked off his jeans and pulled a notebook and pen out as he sat on the side of his bed. He began to write a letter to Shuichi that he never meant for him to see. It was a letter meant for Hiro's sanity. 

And if it all came down to having to do it all over again, knowing you'd turn out the way you are, I'd probably change it all. Yet if I redid everything and changed things, then all the memories in my head may not be there. They'd be replaced with heartache and pain. We'd have grown apart and your dreams of being great may exist without me in them. Then again, you may have loved me even more. But, from now on, I'm gonna try my best to be anti-nostalgic. God I hope you're happy.

Hiro dropped the notebook beside his bed and lay down. He didn't fight the sleep as it took him over. If he had of, he'd of heard Shuichi tapping at his window trying to get in only an hour or so later.

Shuichi knew Hiro never locked his window though, so he opened it and climbed through. He frowned, not believing that his friend was actually asleep. At least Hiro had saved him some room on the bed though. He looked around the room in the light that came from the street lamps outside and saw that Hiro seemed to have had a busy night. Milkshake cup, video games strewn all over, guitar near his bed… So Hiro did know how to have fun on a Friday night without him! Smiling, Shuichi shrugged out of most of his clothes and walked to the bed, attempting to crawl over Hiro. His foot slipped on something though and he fell over onto the floor. He picked up the object that made him fall as he rubbed his arm. 

By the pale light, he was able to read Hiro's words. _"Did he forget to tell me he had a girlfriend?"_ he wondered, trying to figure out why Hiro had written such deep words. His head was still reeling from his date though, so he again tried to crawl over Hiro. Success!

He tried to carefully jerk some of the pillow from Hiro. As he laid his head down, Hiro's eyes peered open at him and a smile crossed his face. 

"What are you doing here?" Hiro whispered.

"Ah. Yuki wouldn't let me stay and my mom would kill if I came in so late. I figured that I stay here on Fridays anyway and you wouldn't mind too much. Do you?" Shuichi asked.

Hiro could smell a light touch of alcohol on Shuichi's breath. "Nah. Just quit breathing in my face. You're breath reeks." 

Shuichi grinned and turned over. "Better?"

"Did you have a good time tonight?" Even in the dim light, Hiro could see the passion mark on Shuichi's neck. 

"Yeah, kinda. Yuki's so kawaii!" Shuichi squealed softly. 

Hiro poked him in the back with a finger. 

"But how was your night? You seem like you stayed busy. I kept wondering if you were okay the whole night."

Hiro chuckled to himself. "Yeah. I was fine." 

"Good. I'm going to sleep now, okay? I'm so dead," Shuichi muttered, already half asleep.

As Hiro stared at his friend's back, he kept reminding himself, _"I am anti-nostalgic."_

~Owari~


End file.
